|I just got asked the harsher version of 'What are your plans for January?'
||[Dec. 11th, 2014|02:50 pm]
The Fortress of Snarkitude
My dad lit me up. He was truly furious. And for my part, I know I had it coming. I can't argue with anything he had to say. Because I haven't had a plan and treading water and getting handouts from family and friends hasn't gotten me anywhere. I think I needed it.|
The second bit of news is that I sold my iMac. My apartment manager is a big Mac guy and while his offer is on the low end, not having to deal with eBay and scammers and 14 day return policies is probably a worthwhile tradeoff.
Honestly, I don't think I want to be here and that may underly what's really going on. I love the cats and have gotten complacent in this climate and apartment but I have no connection to this place anymore. I think I have to be willing to face the elements, live in shelter for a time, and just deal. I'm smart enough to climb out, even I believe in myself that much.
I'm really glad you sold the computer. Relief! A little bit, anyway. If you could get somewhere else, that seems to be a big deal. One of my former lj friends (now inactive here) just packed up 3 cats and drove them all around the country, in a little trailer.
Which, I guess is a way of saying that the order of changes might be different than you think, so stay open and don't rule anything out? I'm not sure why I want to tell you about her. I just think of her, in a truck with cats in boxes, and think "there's so many shapes dramatic life changes can take." In case you...find a trailer, or something.
I'm still smarting from the Tough Love portion of today but it was motivating.
I doubt I'd want to drive into the midwest in winter, but if I can work out the last month portion of things with my landlord, I can not pay rent January and have until the end of the month to leave and have some cash. Probably not enough for a vehicle but as you say... something.
I think Fizzy needs to stay with Jason here. He's too skinny to handle cold. Unlike the fierce chubby kitten-cat that is Dusty.
I know it's a stupid point to get hung up on, but I have such a struggle with the idea of a fizzyland without a fizzy cat. You're being...very open-handed, in your preparations, which I admire.
Jason and I just talked. He's of the opinion if I physically set foot in all the places within reach, the odds of me getting a job or jobs is probably better than all the online applications stuff.
I have a window of time to work out options. I think I'm going to get a cheap carry-out pizza and watch some Breaking Bad. The computer deal is a good move too because using my old computer will still let handle business without the shiny distraction part. Stuff can always be replaced.
I'm thinking of the good of Fizzy. He's actually the 2nd Fizzy. The original was in Vancouver and sadly, lost to me in a car accident.
I'll bet Jason's right about the jobs. Dan is kind of...I can see him being in that situation--he's really likable in person, and a hard worker, and his past bosses have always adored him...but he's never built himself up with enough ambition, in any way that translates well on paper.
If I was near, I would keep all the cats in the meantime, while you got it worked out.
Part of my challenge is that my past experience is so varied, it's hard for potential employers to see a theme. I have trouble writing the Resume in such a way to try to tailor it to specific types of work. A big part of that is the changing landscape of jobs here. The work I did 25 years ago pretty much no longer exists. The IT work I did is now also mostly offshore.
One of my long-time Vancouver friends chatted me up for a long time last night. She straight-up suggested I come stay in her guest room there instead of doing some midwest Salvation Army shelter deal.
Hooray, Vancouver! That's no chopped liver, as places go.
You have such a network of people you have built connections with, and who care about you. That is such a strong recommendation. I hope, in the harder moments, you can find reassurance there.
I do take reassurance, I really do. If I went to Vancouver though, that would be the end of things with my family. Mind you I think I'm about 95% there already. My mom will continue to get phone calls but after a lot of thinking, I don't think I'm going to talk to my father or take his calls ever again. He's an awful man - my childhood was full of his abuse, things that frankly made me withdraw from almost everything. And his stream of vitriol yesterday was a final straw.
Good luck with finding a place....